Shirley MacLaine

So excited!! A BIG changing point for me was seeing Shirley MacLaine on Oprah recently. She answered so many questions that I already had running through my head. So I'm excited to announce that I just purchased for myself a ticket to see her in Northridge on May 6th!

Have you read any of her books before? Right now, I'm watching the miniseries based on her book Out on a Limb and I plan on reading the book once I'm finished with the miniseries. I also downloaded her newest book, I'm Over All That and finished it in a day...couldn't stop reading!

Why now?

What made me seek out a "spiritual awakening?" Beyond feeling as though I was missing the big picture, there have been a series of events in my life that lead to the point of either finding more or giving up altogether.

Ever have that feeling like something was meant to be? Like something was so destined, even if you tried to fight it, it would have happened. My favorite and also least favorite event is when something life jolting happens...it is the end of your world as you know it and life feels hopeless. This is my least favorite event because it's emotionally draining, traumatizing and sometimes physically painful. It is my favorite event because after it's all said and done you look back, and as Oprah would say you have an "aha! moment."

Looking back I can see my "series of events" that lead me to seek a spiritual awakening.

2008- I moved to San Diego, to be on my own; to learn to be an adult. I basically fell into a job in an industry that I knew nothing about; property management. At the time I didn't think much of this as being destiny or meant to be or anything of the sort, but had I not moved to San Diego I doubt I would have ever gotten into property management.

2009- I transferred to a new job in Kansas City within the property management company I worked for in San Diego. I met one of my best friends there...my friend soul mate. But I was miserable in my job and missed California desperately.

2010- I quit my job and moved back to California to work for a different property management company. The job was better, the pay was better and I made some great friends. But all the while I felt like my job was doomed and in less than 3 months my uneasy feelings became reality...the property had been sold and everyone working onsite was out of a job. This is where I freaked out. I am a creature of habit and at the time losing my housing and my job was more than my feeble little mind could handle...there most definitely could not be a reason for this happening to me! After being unemployed for one week I was rehired by the same company that had just laid me off and offered a job in Downtown LA and a discounted apartment in Korea Town. I think I enjoyed that job for about 3 days, but I soon realized I was literally working within the movie the Devil Wears Prada and I didn't fit it. My general feelings toward property management can be summed up in two words: cutthroat and superficial. I realized that no one was really friends and everyone was expendable...not a good feeling. One day I was cruising Craigslist checking out jobs...jobs that I had zero experience in and wasn't even interested in...I came across a receptionist position in Pasadena, CA. During my short employment downtown I was constantly told that I should live in Pasadena...I was the type that would live there...or so I was told. I applied for the receptionist position on a whim and didn't give it a second thought until I was called for an interview. One thing led to another and I quit my job in property management and moved to Pasadena.

2011- I make less money than I did in property management, but I work better hours and I don't feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest all of the time. Once I moved to Pasadena I had a calm come over me that I had never experienced. Never before have I ever felt like I am right where I am meant to be. Up until now I have always felt something tugging at me, nagging. All along the Universe was pulling me closer and closer to this point...I may have come to this point kicking and screaming, but I got here. Once I had the relaxed hours and weekends off I was finally able to seek out my calling...dog rescue. I have participated in saving several dogs, my home is a virtual doggie hotel with a revolving door.

Now that I am here I'm able to grasp that I'm where I should be, I feel as though I am consumed with a need to know more. I understand that I am meant to be here, but why? What am I missing? What should I be doing if I am meant to be here? I have been experiencing this overwhelming sensation of anxiety, something big is around the corner, I can feel it, but I don't know what it could be...

How I got here...

I'm starting this new blog to be about me, my experiences in animal rescue (mostly dog rescue really) and looking for more in the world around me. My blog is about spirituality (not religion), well the pursuit of spirituality, my experiences in trying to create a better world around me and finding the answers to the questions I have.

Here's a back story on how I got to where I am today...literally at this very moment:

For as long as I can remember I have felt a piece missing, even as a kid I would look at my surroundings and feel as though there was more that I just wasn't "getting." As I got older my Mom started taking us to church and I thought, okay, this is what I was looking for. But even as a jr. high schooler and high schooler it becomes evident that church seems to be more about politics and a "you're either with us or against us" theme. I never fit in enough in church. When they asked if I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart I answered "yes," but really the answer was more like, "yes?" I think they saw right through my half-hearted yes' and sensed my skepticism. When I was a "Christian" I never felt more guilt and shame in my life...every day I got up with the goal to be "perfect," to live the life of a good Christian girl...every day I failed and every night I prayed for forgiveness. I think the best comparison would be to someone that goes on a diet every morning and ends the day having failed and feeling like they are worthless because they couldn't do the one thing they desperately wanted to do right.

When I went to college I was in Kansas, where there's as many Baptist churches as there are Starbucks (one on each street corner). I started going to a Baptist church with a few of my college friends and quickly realized if I was a failure in a Non-denominational church I was never going to last at a Baptist Church. I kept running into issues that I could not agree with. One night the sermon was about rape and abortion and that in no cases was abortion an answer. I walked out in the middle of the sermon. Not too long after that the pastor's sermon was about the Devil and how he had sent people to lead us astray. As the pastor zeroed into me and said that some of those followers of the Devil were in the room that night, I decided maybe I shouldn't come back.

So what did I learn from my experience with church and Christianity? Not much really; I was always an outsider. It always struck me that rather than embrace me and help me understand better they pushed me away. But when the goal is to keep others controlled by fear and guilt, I guess it makes sense to push out the skeptics.

Am I consumed with the Devil and here on Earth to facilitate his will?? I highly doubt it. I am involved in animal rescue and would do just about anything for a dog in need or one of my dogs (2 Chihuahuas of my own and 2 foster dogs). I don't seek out world domination. I don't make a lot of money and I'm not materialistic...well not much anymore (especially since I don't make a lot of money). I feel a little bit uncomfortable making eye contact with others and in my opinion someone that was working for the Devil would be big on eye contact. I recycle...I actually recycle like it's my religion. And I love to hike...if I were part of the Devil's army I doubt I would have time to enjoy a nice hike.

But here's the point...even if I'm lousy at being Christian I still want to more...not as in tangible objects and things...I want inner peace.

This blog will serve as me searching for my inner peace...wherever the hell it may be.